The Lit Bean pt II

So, I managed to get on the laptop that my script is written on, so here is a sample from my script:

The eyes in the painting follow me down the corridor. I’ve always hated haunted places, and it wasn’t my idea to come here. It certainly wasn’t my idea to split up, but as always, I was out voted. Doesn’t anyone else watch scary movies? Doesn’t anyone else know that’s how everybody gets killed?

I’m trying not to let the painting bother me, but it is. I creep closer to the painting, the eyes never leaving mine. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that the man in the painting is alive.

His hair is snow white, and he has a ‘no nonsense’ look on his face. He’s definitely the kind of rich guy who wouldn’t his abandoned mansion to be messed with, yet that’s exactly what we’re doing. On a bet, nonetheless. Cara said that whoever could stay in the house the longest would get $200. At the time, I thought it was a great idea; now, I don’t think there’s enough money in the world for me to be here.

There are five of us in the house: Cara, Delilah, Carter, Ryan, and me. We’re all delegated to different places in the house, where we must remain if we want to win. Cara’s in the first floor living room; Delilah is in the second floor master bedroom; Joseph is in the second floor mancave; Ryan is in the third floor library; and I’m just roaming the fourth floor. I was supposed to stay in the study, but it was creeping me out too much.

The man’s eyes hypnotize me as I get closer. I don’t realize how close I am to the painting until my nose brushes up against it. I realize with a start my nose is wet. I step back.

The painting is dripping. I know there’s something alive in there.

               “You need to leave,” the man in the painting says in a booming voice. “There is a great evil lurking in this house.”

I don’t even have time to process what that means, when I hear a scream from the second floor. I sprint down the stairs at full force, almost tripping over my own feet more than once. Everyone has already gathered in the man cave.

There’s blood everywhere. Delilah is in the corner, sobbing, and Cara is trying to console her. Ryan is checking for a pulse, or at least trying to, because it’s obvious that Carter is dead.

It does continue after this, but who doesn’t love when things end in a little cliffhanger? 🙂

One reply on “The Lit Bean pt II”

So far the script is really good. It’s spooky, and it keeps me on my toes. The only thing that I saw was a small typo in the line, “He’s definitely the kind of rich guy who wouldn’t his abandoned”. You just need to add want in between ‘wouldn’t’ and ‘his’. Overall what you have here is very good. Just make sure to keep up the suspense and I think you’ll have a really good script on your hands.

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